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People Officially Suck

Sign – no children

Image via Wikipedia

I will preface this by saying: I haven’t had coffee for 3 days, and I just couldn’t help myself.

You know who annoys the crap out of me?


That’s right – men. They’re big and loud. They scratch and fart. They take up more than their share of privilege in the world. They rarely have intuition about things and they never have to go through menstruation or pregnancy.

In fact, men annoy me so much that I would be much happier if I did not ever have to encounter them in public.

Next time I go to the grocery store and I see a man, I am going to find the manager and complain. Don’t even get me started if I hear one talking in a restaurant!

I think there should be more places out there that ban men altogether – I know my life would be much happier that way.

You know what else would make my life happier?

If all coffee shops and convenience stores banned people who pay with change. That is so annoying! They take too long – they hold up the line. Sometimes they require the cashier to do math.

I mean, if you’ve got it right there in your hand that’s one thing, but most people have to dig around for it in those little purses, and it just makes me want to grind my teeth in anger!

If we stopped allowing them, I would stop having that problem!

And oh my goodness – women who talk! Why do they have to talk to me? Why do they have to talk at all? I don’t like their voices, or the way they look, or the people they’re talking to.

Ugh – where is the place with women-who-talk-free shopping hours so I can head there and get my groceries in peace?

You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize how many types of people annoy me. There should be rules set in place to keep these types out of my life:

  • People who chew gum
  • People who have cell phones
  • People who walk too slowly
  • People who ride bikes
  • People who drive
  • People who wear perfume
  • People who might stop suddenly in front of me
  • People who block doorways
  • People who talk to me on planes
  • People who wear clothes I don’t like
  • People who are not the same ethnicity as I am
  • People who are disabled

I’m sure I could come up with quite a few more, but this would be a good start. I am definitely going to start making my complaints known loud and clear to all the middle management of the land – I am sick and tired of all these annoying people disrupting my life!

What’s that you tell me? Those places can’t ban all those types of people? That’s called discrimination?

But they annoy the crap out of me!

You’re telling me that in order to be human and live among others in society, I just have to put up with all of this??

Well that just sucks.

I guess I should be happy that at least all those bratty kids don’t even count as people, because no one’s calling it discrimination to ban them from all those places.

I guess it’s a start…

Disclaimer: The above post is sarcasm. :)

Normally, I like to look on the bright side of things…but this whole trend towards ‘Kids are annoying so let’s hide them’ just drives me batty sometimes. I know kids can be annoying and it can seem frustrating when parents don’t seem to be able to ‘control’ them – but what I wonder is why they seem to stand out among all the other annoying people out there (and having worked in customer service for over 10 years, I can tell you there is no shortage of insanely annoying people out there).

It seems like everyone – even parents – loves this ‘reason’ the most: I don’t want to go out and pay for a nice meal only to have a screaming brat ruin my entire night. OK, fair’s fair and I can see that.

But you know what? I’ve gone out for a nice meal and had an incredibly rude server ruin my night. I’ve gone out for a nice meal and had badly cooked food ruin my night. I’ve gone out for a nice meal and had loud, annoying, rude people sitting at the table next to me ruin my night. People wearing too much perfume and cologne, people who are drunk and disruptive, people who smoke, the list goes on.

And yet, I have no right or ability to change any of these things for the most part.

It’s called life.

Personally, if my child is freaking in a restaurant, I will do my best to remedy the situation or remove her from it. But if someone else sitting next to me chooses not to do that and it really bothers me, well, I’ll just have to chalk it up to one more annoyance of being a person, rather than calling essentially all children the scourge of the devil and insisting that they be removed from my sight.

Mr. and Mrs. Hate Children & Don’t Want Them Anywhere, I have two questions for you:

1. Do you have any conception of the fact that you were once a child yourself, and that your mother and father may have actually needed to (gasp!) take you out in public every so often?

2. If you don’t care about that, do you think there’s any way that you’ve ever annoyed anyone else to the point that you should have (according to your own standards) been asked to leave their presence? (And if you say no to that, let me remind you that at one point you were also, in fact, a teenager).

Now, I’m sure this little rant isn’t going to do much to change anyone’s mind, but it sure made me feel better.

And that’s who it’s all about, right? ;)

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24 Responses to “People Officially Suck”

  • Garden Variety Mama says:

    Sing it, mama! I'm right there with you. I find adults annoy me a lot more often than kids do. (except for my own kids, but that's to be expected. and out in public they're generally pretty well-behaved….)
    My recent post What next?

    • Kelly says:

      Thanks Liz. :) I'm guessing more children are well-behaved in public than not – it's just always the worst who get the attention. :p

  • Rachel C. says:

    Ha ha!!! Know what you mean! We were in AZ one holiday and everyone was gathered at the dinner table. Millie (who was not even one) started throwing a fit. I set her down, expecting to leave with her, when Adam's brother (who was engaged to be married) said, " See, this is what I like about so-and-so's parenting style…they would never let their kids do this. They are such Godly parents.." and then he goes on describing what this couple would do in our situation, and his mother started agreeing….and I JUST ABOUT LOST IT!

    First of all, who is this young know it all virgin telling me that my child is "a brat" because she cried in front of everybody?! And I was about to handle it! Then, Adam's mom is agreeing, when let's face it, her two youngest are NOT angels at all. And Adam, later he mentioned it made him a bit mad, but he ignored it, and I wanted to sock him one. He is the type of guy who let's things rol off his back. It's better to ignore it than to fight it. REALLY?!

    Anyway, I know I am not myself these days (this pregnancy is messing with hormones I didn't even know I had). But, I enjoyed your blog :)

    • Kelly says:

      Oh my goodness Rachel – that must have been so frustrating!

      I'm guessing his brother will have learned his lesson by the time he has his own – it's just a shame he had to open his mouth so much beforehand. ;) Boo to the mom though!

      You know, we don't go out to eat often and thus far Bean has been perfectly fine in restaurants (not really old enough to make much of a fuss, though she's certainly getting to that point). Anyway, the only glare we ever got was once when she was laughing – I swear this woman's look was like, 'How dare you bring a baby in here?'. Laughing! Crazy craziness…

  • Christy says:

    OH MY GOSH!! THANK YOU!! I LOVE THIS!! It drives me crazy too and it drives me even crazier that so many parents support these bans, as if they are ok with their kids being treated like second class citizens and when I call it that people think I am nuts. I have been wanting to blog about this for awhile too but after I blogged about the moms of the crying babies being charged extra at a resturant and all of the comments SUPPORTING this I decided it was a lost cause. I love your approach though, it's humorous while still getting the point across that these bans are rediculous. I have things I need to do and groceries I need to buy and its hard to find a sitter for 4 kids everytime I need to do anything even if I was willing to.
    My recent post Beating the Summer Heat, Babes in Water

  • Jessica_Lang says:

    lets not forget about those annoying moms who breastfeed in public…….GASP>>>>>>>>>> they are such PERVERTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Jessica_Lang says:

    lets not forget about those annoying moms who breastfeed in public…….GASP>>>>>>>>>> they are such PERVERTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    lol….excellent points….and I love your sarcasm….reminds me of someone I know…hehehe…

  • Stephanie says:

    Very well said. Made me think. Thanks!

  • Jim Picht says:

    I used to fly from Moscow to New York pretty often on Delta's "baby flights." Those were the flights that went out the day after adoptive parents could get their documents at the U.S. embassy, usually the Thursday flight, I think. There might be 20 or 30 babies on the flight, all with new parents, many anxious; it was always sort of raucous. And the kids were never as bad as some of the grownups I had to sit next to. You can slap on your noise-canceling headphones and ignore other people's babies. Headphones can't do a thing to make the inconsiderate, over-perfumed boor next to you go away.

    By the way, I ended up as a new parent on one of those baby flights a couple of years after I left Moscow. Our two babies slept all the way. Obviously superior parenting in action.

  • Amanda says:

    You kick a$$.

  • Amen! I once had someone come over and complain to me that my baby was "very loud". She was babbling. In the GROCERY STORE. I had no idea they were the new library! Overall, we've found most people very welcoming. But, I do tell fellow moms who are afraid to travel with their kids, or go out with them some of the things we've seen "adults" do. At least kids have an excuse! They legitimately don't know better!

    During a summer in college I worked as a receptionist for a heating and cooling company. Do you have any idea how many people would call, IRATE, because their AC was out…when we'd lose power during a thunderstorm? "Um, yes, sir, I realize that it's hot out, and I do apologize that the unit's not working, but the things is, it needs power…" You can add them to your "banned" list! ;)

    My recent post CARES–Airplane Travel with Toddler Made Safe and Easy!

  • Rachel says:

    Love your HONESTY! You say most of what all of us are too scared to! lol!
    My recent post Your big Why?

  • Brian says:

    I like your post, but the trend is not about bad kids, yes they are kids and they will act like them. The meaning behind the no kids here is to let people that kids are not entitled to be EVERYWHERE that adults go, and that just cause it is your kid doesn't mean it has the right to be there. Also that is is the business right to serve who they want…. It is a business decision like the ban of smoking. People/ restaurant owners etc were holler and screaming bloody murder that sales would suffer, but alas sales have been up on average 30% nation wide. Now to say kids should be baned from everywhere no, but if parents would parent these days and know when and where to take kids then business would not have to do the "parenting" for them… Kids don't need to be hidden in the cellar till ripe but also they don't need to be screaming next to me on first class airline from NYC to china..

    • Sheila says:

      The fact, though, is that business owners can't just decide whom to serve based on their customers' preferences — or we'd be seeing signs that say "White people's bar" or "no women in the cigar lounge." I think we can all understand that this is discrimination!

      Everyone loves to say "just get a babysitter." But some of us can't afford a babysitter every time we go anywhere, and some babies can't be left. Because of that, I don't go many places … but when I do get a chance to go out, I think I have the right to go where I want to. There are some places I wouldn't take a baby — like a smokey bar or an opera — but you don't really see people doing that. What you see is people taking kids along to noisy diners, on airplanes, to see animated movies … and people STILL complain. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe it's your right to live in an adults-only world.

      Are you saying that kids should never need to go from New York to China? What if they have family there who haven't seen them? Is it just too bad for them? You, I'm sure, appreciate your ability to travel … doesn't it occur to you that families like having that ability too? And if they can afford first class, that's probably wise, so they can have room to move around. Use your money to buy noise-canceling headphones. Airplanes are not quiet; they are giant buses where *everyone* who wants to travel from point A to point B is stuck with each other for hours. It's not like there's another way to get to China for those of us with kids.

      Childless people imagine that the world is composed of adults, and some random kids are occasionally in it. The fact is, we are kids for a quarter of our lives. Then we raise kids, if we have them, for another quarter of our lives (and that's if we only have one apiece). So half the people in the world (depending on the demographics of your area) either are children, or have children. Why should everything cater to you, just because you don't want to be around children?

      I can sort of see the point of saying "no kids at this posh restaurant/theater/ballet." I don't see the point of saying "no kids at this diner" or "no kids outdoors at this condo" or "no kids on the plane." Where do you think kids are supposed to be? Must those of us with kids tiptoe around in the "kid zone" for our whole parenting career, carefully avoiding treading on the toes of the non-kid-havers? Unless we have a nanny, are we just supposed to stick to the house, the playground, and the McDonald's and never leave?

      In ages past, kids were everywhere. It was accepted that there would be kids everywhere the adults were. That's how the kids learned to be adults, and how they learned to behave appropriately in public places. Now we're lucky enough to have a few places designed particularly for children, but I don't think that means children aren't allowed anywhere else!

      I hope one of your parent friends leaves you out on the town with kids for a day. Then perhaps you'd see how hard it is to find a "kid-friendly" place to take them.
      My recent post Weaning checklist

    • Nikelaos says:

      We took my 10 month old to Paris and London over the new year and I will tell you that it was one of the most kid accommodating trips I have ever taken. Most if not all restaurants had high chairs that matched the adult size versions. For the restaurants that did not have chairs even in tight quarters they made room for the stroller and we never got a upset look from the other patrons. I had a waitress spill some iced tea on me once, now back in the US, ruining actual property in the form of my shirt, and I did not demand she be fired. It was an accident and unintentional just like a baby's cries.

      This falls in line with people who are mad at nursing mothers who nurse their children under a cover because it makes them uncomfortable. If you are so paralyzed by the varied experiences you come across in the world I suggest you become a shut in. Do not try to shut out any petty annoyances because it may spoil your day.

      Finally I suspect all of the supporters of a ban on kids get more frustrated in traffic than they do in a restaurant. Should we build you a special lane as well? Life is hard for everyone so suck it up! Worst case think about the fact that you are going to be collecting your Social Security off that whiny kids' earnings someday. So in the end you come out ahead.

  • Sarah R says:

    Standing up and clapping!!!! You are so dead-on.

    How is this any different from banning old people from places? If a restaurant tried to do that, there would be hell to pay.

    How do people expect children to learn how to behave in public if they are never allowed out of the house?

  • Awesome! I wrote about this a few days ago too. (I won’t link it here but you’ll see it if you go to my site.) Why are kids treated like accessories now? Or as a danger or toxin? My husband got it right when he said making something more pleasant isn’t an argument for making it right.

    Well written post!

  • Stephanie says:

    THANK YOU for writing this. I laughed and then I read every single word out loud to my husband.

    I applaud you for creating a humorous piece with such a serious + important message.

    My recent post Travel With Kids: West Yellowstone

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