Mindful Mama…Who, Me?
June 23rd, 2011 | 
Author: Welcome to the First Mindful Mama Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the Mindful Mama Blog Carnival hosted by Zoie at TouchstoneZ. Participants are writing posts about what mindful practices mean to them, how they parent mindfully, obstacles to mindful practice and experiences along the way. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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I’ve been thinking about what I might write for this and finding it difficult. In most ways, I feel that I am not what you would call a Mindful Mama!
I’ve always had trouble with practicing anything like meditation, focusing on my breathing or a mantra…I get bored or distracted or just want to do something else – the ideas sound really good to me, but I’ve never been able to make any sort of long term commitment to them!
On the other hand, I think I need to do something. I become angry too easily; I get stressed to easily. I find sleep difficult at the best of times and need something beyond zoning out in a book or online to recharge.
Swimming is one place that I really find I am able to focus – particularly on breath – but when there are other (frequently annoying) people there with me in the lane, I get thrown off pretty easily.
Walking is another place that lets me just ‘BE’ – absorbing the beauty of nature and drinking it all in – it helps me feel at peace. But again, I usually have distractions – wearing the Bean, making sure neither of us are getting too much sun or bug bites, trying to control the dog.
I’m all too open to having my attention drawn away.
Over the past days, when I’ve been doing a quiet activity like putting Bean down for a nap or bedtime (a process that can often become frustrating for me if it takes a really long time), I’ve been trying to let go – visualize an ocean or forest; think of a song that makes me feel peaceful.
It has helped somewhat – both in keeping me from being frustrated, and probably in getting her to sleep! I’m sure she knows when I’m tense and want to get out of there…
The blog is definitely another place where I feel I can reflect – getting my words and thoughts out – and not just in a journal style, only for my eyes type way, but having that feedback from others…it certainly assists in giving me perspective. But it also limits me – there are things I feel constricted about writing – whether it’s because my family will see them or it’s just too personal.
I do pray often – kind of an ongoing conversation in my head, but it’s rarely something I sit down on purpose to do.
All in all…I don’t really know what the best thing would be to do to become more mindful. I’m not sure where to start, or what the best practice would be for me (as someone who has a hard time focusing when I don’t have words in front of me!). I don’t have a great understanding of what it means to meditate or to have a philosophical practice, and I’m not sure I would even know where to begin looking into it.
So, I’m definitely looking forward to reading the other posts in this carnival, and would love feedback from any of the truly Mindful Mamas out there – I’m open to your suggestions! Yes, I’m shamelessly asking for advice. 
Do you have a regular practice in your life that helps you to bring in some kind of connectedness or peace?
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Visit TouchstoneZ to find out how you can participate in the next Mindful Mama Blog Carnival!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- The Lost Art of Chill One Rich Mother explains how she overcame her habit of screaming through mindfulness
- Mindful Running Jenn @ Monkey Butt Junction shares how running has become her meditation.
- Mindful Mama…Who, Me? Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about why it’s difficult for her to be a Mindful Mama.
- Ritual of Affirmations Patti @ Jazzy Mama finds out that a simple evening ritual can take on new importance when it is done with thoughtfulness and intent.
- My Mindfulness Challenge Amanda at Let’s Take the Metro has set forth a mindfulness challenge for herself in an effort to become a better person.
- Keeping My Sanity by Losing My Mind CJ at Imperfect Happiness describes how she connects with reality by disconnecting from her mind.
- The New Mommy Files: Memories, Milestones, and Missteps Melissa at The New Mommy Files has found that motherhood demands mindfulness, so she’s working toward becoming a more mindful mama.
- Perfect and Complete, Lacking Nothing Rachael at The Variegated Life finds more time in the practice of being now.
- On Mindfulness and Multitasking Terri at Child of the Nature Isle reflects on how her mindful practices have changed since having children and how multitasking has been the key to maintaining a balanced life.
- I’ll Have What She’s Having Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how she learned to trust in the “YES!”
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Mindfulness take practice. I've been on and off practising for years.
I've been learning recently, though teachings of Pema Chodron, about acceptance.
total acceptance of everything that is happening. and in order to accept what is happening fully, you need to be aware of what is going on.
and when I say acceptance, I don't mean "liking". Accept the fact you become easily distracted. it means you noticed. if you notice 5 hours later…ok, at least you noticed. the more *often* you notice how you feel, what you are doing, what is 'beautiful' or 'ugly', the quicker and more easily it happens, and the more mindful you become!
Have you tried journaling? For that more personal stuff, stuff that you're still processing, for prayers, thoughts that aren't as coherent as some others…
I used to journal A LOT and still do a little and enjoy it very much.
Oh yah, and I do mean with a pen and paper! It seems to make a difference (at least to me).
I have struggled with this, too. I used to commute by bike and that was a great time to reflect, then I started trying to run and it was lovely, but I only went a handful of times and it never became a habit. Later, I started practicing yoga and this met the need for quiet and reflection in me, but I failed to make a consistent habit of that as well.
As I talk about in my submission, I'm really feeling an urgent need now that I have my daughter to be present for, to create a consistent habit of reflection and mindfulness. I'm starting by working through a book with some meditation practices, and I'm hoping that my practice will evolve from here.
Hiking always works for me!
There's nothing wrong with asking for some input!
I love the idea of swimming, biking, or any kind of exercise as a way to get your mind in line, but I agree that sometimes those activities have their own distractions. I love riding my bike, but I always ride with my son in his bike seat now, so even when we are off of the busy streets and riding on a nice quiet trail I do find myself distracted.
I've started doing yoga too, although I've really enjoyed vinyasa yoga which is a little challenging. That's the great thing about yoga – lots of variety!
Whatever you choose, I hope you find something that works for you! Best of luck!
I recommend finding one or two regular activities that you really enjoy–hanging out the laundry or bathing the baby or chopping vegetables–and then be really present with that moment and that task. Reflect on why they are important to you. Acknowledge that you can do these things in a way that no one else can. Let your love for your family abound while you complete the work. Breath deeply.
I have found that my joy grows and grows as I engage with mindfulness and connection in my daily tasks. I feel refreshed and full and more able to give of myself to my children when I have allowed my heart to be nourished by quiet refelction.
You are probably more connected to your mindfulness than you think you are.
Joy and Freedom to you and yours.
I could have written a pos almost identical to this! I also have been struggling with mindfulness to such an extent that I couldn't even bring myself to write for this carnival. I am reading your comments with great interest!
Even though in my post I have written a lot about multi-tasking and mindfulness, I agree with Patti that being totally present to an activity is a great way to be calm and appreciate the moment. I do try to 'single-task' when cooking and sometimes cleaning up…focusing completely on the job at hand and appreciating each second, knowing that there will never be another one like it.
Smiling is also another way I ease up my tension a lot. When I feel my muscles get stiff or my jaw is clenched just a bit too tight I smile a huge smile just for myself and find my whole body relaxes, lighten up and I am much more in the gratitude zone.
Singing is another great way to get in the zone…I love singing and then hearing my little ones also pick up the tune. Keeps us all cool.
Happy days Mama on the mindfulness path – what a journey!
I’ve always had trouble with practicing anything like meditation, focusing on my breathing or a mantra … I get bored or distracted or just want to do something else …
The truth is, everyone feels that way in meditation: bored, distracted, longing for some kind of entertainment. Meditation is designed to help us to see that about ourselves — among other things.
So my thought is, just pick something and just do it. And don't worry about whether or not you're doing it well.
Oh, and I'll second Rebecca's recommendation of the writings of Pema Chodron.
You know it is interesting that you listed your blog. As I have gotten older and had more children I found it increasingly difficult to find space and time for my old hobbies of painting and sculpture. I also was involved in drama at one point but have zero space in my life for that anymore. Turns out my blog has been a fantastic place for a creative outlet. I would have never dreamed it before I started but I defently believe a blog can be a great place to unwind.
A thought for those topics you feel are too personal to share. Maybe you could write them out and just not publish them? At least that way you would be getting the emotional release of getting it out on paper. Or maybe kick it old school and buy some journals? I have been thinking about doing that myself. Then if later you feel it is something you would like to share you have a place you can pull it from.
I look forward to seeing what you decide. ((hug))
Lately, I feel as though I've been undressing in slow motion (no, this is not some perverted sexual thing). I think I have randomly adopted a meditative way to change my clothes because it is one of the only times during the day that I am alone. For those few seconds changing from pajamas to day clothes or vice verse, I literally move as slowly as possible (without making myself fall over) in a way to put myself in that moment, feel the cloth on my skin and consciously make the transition from day to night. Essentially, what I'm saying is that I think you can meditate while doing anything. Start small and give yourself a break.
Or, get the llama to help you.
Sad, my comment deleted? Anyway, I get what you mean. It is so hard to really be mindful a lot of the time with kids. It seems like you are kind of living just for them and go into some sort of auto-pilot. I have adopted the mommy mantra "It's okay". It grounds me, gives me time to breathe, think, focus. I have actually sort of adopted it as my all the time mantra, really. And I find that running, without music, gives me that reflective time that I crave, too.
Hey Kelly,
Sounds pretty generic, but I really think you'd enjoy yoga!! Its a wonderful practice that I myself have neglected as of late….
Others think that I'm a very laid back and go with the flow mama…I get told this a lot…It doesn't often feel that way though and I feel like I'm on the verge of a melt-down, 2 year old style, quite frequently.
As a massage therapist, I have a lot of time to listen to soft music, reflect on my thoughts and just let my hands heal, heal, heal…others…so I certainly do need to turn that back around to myself and intentionally just be and live, moment to moment…taking in these wonderful days of motherhood.
This is a wonderful contribution to the carnival. Thank you so much for participating!
I have to say that I think you're already practicing a lot of mindfulness in your daily life. That's where it matters. All the practice "on the mat" or during a workout are really prep for real life. The practice is so that you can readily access it while in the flow. As moms, setting aside the time for mindfulness practice is great, but we don't always have the luxury or that necessity. So, holding pockets of mindful practice is where it really counts and that's what you're doing.
If you really want to set aside the time for an "official" practice, realistically it most likely needs to be first thing when you wake. It can be 5 minutes of sitting and practicing stilling your mind or repeating a mantra. It's simple and complex. You just sit with the intention of quiet and every time your mind jumps on a train thought, you notice it as soon as you can. Then, without judgment, you bring you mind back to stillness, without judgment. Did I mention that you do it without judgment? And yeah, you'll be doing this return to stillness thing pretty much constantly for awhile. *aside* Can you tell I'm in the midst of writing about this?