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One of Those Days…

I suck at resisting temptation...

I suck at resisting temptation...

Today has been one of those days.

I was planning on making potato leek soup for dinner, but feel SO tired and lazy, so had hubby pick up a frozen pizza on his way home.

This is really one of the first times we’ve totally failed in our commitment to not eat out or buy junk food in April, but it’s very frustrating to me, all the same.

I’m so disappointed in myself when I look at my beautiful daughter and realize that even she is not enough motivation for me to stop putting crap into my body.

I generally don’t try to make this blog a place of negative focus, but I’m really feeling it today. And because you who are reading this are my community, I’m asking for your support.

I am overweight. I have been most of my life. Over the past months I’ve drastically changed my eating habits, but it is hard. I have lost weight since starting all this, but it’s not a fast process and I hate that. A lot of times, I can accept it, but other times it frustrates me so much that I wonder if it’s worth it.

I just don’t know what it is that makes me mess up when I want so badly to be good.

I don’t want to go on and on…the reality is it is just about next to impossible for me to talk about this. But if you have encouragement, or advice, or a story…I’d really love to hear it right now.

In the meantime, I’ll work on getting back on track for tomorrow…

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24 Responses to “One of Those Days…”

  • Rachel C. says:

    Oooh, Kelly. I am so sorry :( I totally hear ya. We are trying to eat a bit healthier and lose some weight, but it is sooooo, but it is hard to resist going out after dinner to buy an ice cream shake. And what is impossible for me is to drink just black coffee. I usually have to load it up with sugar and crap, or at least defy it in some awful way! And, we out a lot and that tends to put calories in you.

    Anyway, I just meant to say that I am sorry it is so hard- I understand! I won't tell you that "you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you", unless that is what you wanna hear…But i will tell you that He understands your mess ups and temptation. That's all.

    Good luck tomorrow.

    • Kelly says:

      Thanks Rachel – you are a sweetie. :) How I wish we could hit up a Starbucks together!

      I am just trying to remember to take things one day at a time. :)

  • Jen says:

    Awww! Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm going through a very similar situation after a long health issue and it is hard to take care of yourself, eat right, and chase after kids. Some days I just have to hand over the reins to Daddy and go rest and if the kids go to bed without putting on jammies or brushing their teeth, it's ok just for that day. You are a great mom. Keep writing!

  • Julie Hunt says:

    Hey Kel,

    I'm sorry it was one of those days! Just so you know, you're not the only one!

    And I know if you keep it up, these changes that you are making WILL make a DIFFERENCE…now and long term, for you and Dave and for Clara. It is worth it, so keep on keeping on and just take it one day at a time! Grace for each day! Don't be so hard on yourself as you are doing wonderfully!!!

    love ya!

  • rebecca says:

    I'm so sorry you are feeling badly! (I've had a rough day too) remember to accept it! you don't have to like it, but by accepting what is bothering you, you accept that 'this too shall pass'. tomorrow is a new day.
    rebecca recently posted..drafted

  • Michelle says:

    It sounds like you need a swim!I find that a bit of exercise helps to refresh my mind and attitude. Forgive yourself for what you feel you need to and head to bed with a new sense of motivation. Tomorrow is a new day! :)

  • Kelly says:

    Thanks SO much for the encouragement mamas – it really helps! :)

    I already feel better, almost to the point of feeling silly for posting this, but I'm glad I did. I hope it didn't come across as too much of a downer…I just know I have a REALLY hard time asking for help in the moment, when I need it…so I just decided to put it out there!

    @Rebecca I'm sorry your day has been rough – hope tomorrow is a better one!

    @Michelle – Wanna go swimming tomorrow night? :)

  • April says:

    Don't beat yourself up!

    Here's my issue . . .

    I've been a smoker since I was 10 years old. (Yes, egads, 10 years old.) I couldn't even quit when I was pregnant with my daughter. I cut myself back to one smoke every two days, but I still was unable to quit.

    Then I gave birth to her. And instead of seeing her beautiful face and saying "I don't want you to grow up to be a smoker like I am," and quitting smoking, I still continued. And my habit got stronger again until I was back up to 1/2 pack a day.

    Every day I beat myself up for smoking during my pregnancy and smoking with my beautiful daughter watching – but then I made a plan.

    I called the TN Smokers Quitline, got support from them, and I got Chantix from my doctor. Between those two support systems I've been nicotine-free for 24 days – and counting.

    It's not that she didn't give me the proper motivation; it's that I was trying to stop a habit I'd had for two-thirds of my life! That's bloody hard!

    You just need to find the right combination of support. =)
    April recently posted..BF 101- Working Mama

    • Kelly says:

      April – I so appreciate you sharing your story and your encouragement – I have been there too! We actually quit smoking (I feel miraculously) just a few months before getting pregnant with the Bean, and I too started at 10 years of age (though it was off and on many times). I finally just felt it was the time to quit.

      I hope things are going well with you, and congratulate you on what you're doing – that is amazingly brave! I'm glad you found that support that is so key to making the changes. :)

  • Every day is a new day! If you slip up one day, use that as encouragement for the next. It is hard to commit to healthy food all of the time. I made a promise that we wouldn't do any fast food this year. We made it to April, and then a very hectic day with no time for anything led us to a fast food place. I wanted so badly to just beat myself up over it, but then I realized: we went three full months with zero fast food. What an accomplishment! And sure enough, the next day was a brand new day to renew our commitment to healthy food.

    Also, regarding pizza – whenever we need a quick fix meal, we take wheat or whole grain english muffins, add pizza sauce, cheese, and fresh veggie toppings and pop them in the oven for mini pizzas. They are so fast and so tasty. I don't miss frozen pizza at all.

    • Kelly says:

      Thanks Jenn! We are working on the fast food this month – that is one thing we've been successful at so far! And TOTAL props to you for going that long!!

      English muffin pizzas were one of my favorite meals as a kid. :) Now I love doing veggie pizzas on whole wheat crust – artichoke, spinach, zucchini, goat cheese, garlic & spices and olive oil instead of sauce is my favorite! :)

  • KrissyFair says:

    I so often find myself in the same boat, so hugs from over here! I've been trying to figure out some strategies for myself for those kinds of days and here's what I've come up with so far:

    I try to keep a *better* comfort food option in the house. I love the frozen pizzas too, but I also love (non-wholewheat) spaghetti. So I keep one pack and a can of sauce. It's still not a wonderful meal, but it's an improvement so I don't end up beating myself up as much.

    The other thing I've been trying to do is keep a 'props' list. Stuff that I'm proud of myself for. You could do it specifically for food. Every time you feel good about a meal, write it down. So when you do eat the junk, you can flip through your journal and focus on all of the success you've had lately.

    And the last is that I try to remind myself my diet (and workout routine) is a chequing account, not a savings account. It's normal to make withdrawals, so there's no point trying to avoid them. The important thing is that the deposits outweigh them.

    Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better already!
    KrissyFair recently posted..How long does your Granny sleep at night

  • mamachenivan says:

    Don't beat yourself up!! I am a strong believer in moderation. If you are eating healthy most days, that's great! But if you're tired one night and don't have the energy to cook, a frozen pizza is not the end of the world!!

    I cook a lot of fish. It's quick and healthy and all you have to do is drizzle some olive oil over it and scoop out some minced garlic from a jar and you're done! I try to cook fresh veggies but always keep my freezer stocked with frozen ones too – they take minutes to defrost. And I bake sweet potatoes in the microwave, less than 10 minutes!

    One last thing, I saw a recipe on the Today Show last week for a low calorie pizza where instead of crust, you use a portobello mushroom cap. You spoon some canned diced tomatoes, chop up the mushroom stem, add some string cheese and whatever other veggies you want on top – bake for 10 minutes and voila… healthy pizza!!

    • Kelly says:

      That sounds so interesting! I actually love homemade vegetarian pizza…I am thinking I should take a Saturday and make a bunch and freeze them – then we wouldn't have this problem! :)

  • helllllooooooooo…imperfect mama… none of us can do everything 100% by the book! i had 2 pieces of dark chocolate for breakfast…and I'm breastfeeding! my rationing with this crazy meal…its organic!

    you rock and don't doubt it for one minute!
    Jessica | Cloth Diap recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- Earth Angels…

  • Alicia C. says:

    1) For motivation, go pick up a copy of "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" from the library. When you look at what this family did, you'll feel guilty for just thinking of grabbing take-out of frozen pizza! LOL

    2)I use my giant slow-cooker to my advantage. I always make a double batch of everything and freeze half. It's so easy to just heat up something from the freezer on those lazy or busy days!

    3)Have stuff on hand for easy meals. I have tons of canned tomato sauce and pasta that I can just heat up. I often make scrambled eggs with heated frozen veggies & cheese in them for dinner. Make & freeze some pizza dough when you're feeling like being in the kitchen. It's easy enough to thaw some out in the afternoon and throw on some spaghetti sauce and cheese at dinnertime.
    Alicia C. recently posted..Super-Easy Crafting with Kids Plus a GIVEAWAY

    • Kelly says:

      Thanks Alicia! One of my faults is not being prepared (and often planning meals that are more on the elaborate side). I do love to cook so it usually works out, but when I'm feeling lazy there's nothing simple on hand. I think one of my goals is going to be to simplify most meals and save the elaborate for once or twice a week!

  • Please be gentle with yourself. You can't be perfect with the changes. It's the all or nothing thinking that causes problems. And it's the space between where you are in this moment and where you wish you were that causes pain. But, you know what? This moment is all that's real.

    Can you tell I'm in the midst of writing about this, too? My family took photos last weekend and I couldn't wait to get home and look. When I saw them, I thought, "who's the fat chick?" Thunk! That's me. That's my body. And all my judgments about myself smacked right into me. I'm meditating into them one by one. It sucks and I wish I could just eat a brownie to forget about it. But I'm making a real change, not just busily self-improving. (Okay, this comment is mirroring my writing far too closely. Back to you ;)

    You're family loves you for who you are AND for what you look like. Not despite either one of those. Please give mirror some of that love you give out back to yourself and accept it all. All of it. Without reservation. You deserve it

    • Kelly says:

      Zoie, I so appreciate your encouragement (and I must say I loved your pictures – I think you're beautiful!).

      I am just thinking…I really wish we could have a coffee together…

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