March 1st…It’s sunny outside, the snow is almost all gone…spring is in the air!
I cannot believe that the Bean is already in her 6th month of being here with me…what a crazy, amazing time this has been!
I’ve learned, I think, more than I ever have in my life. I’ve made a great new friend thanks to the proximity of our baby’s birthdays (one day apart – love to Michelle and the Little! ) I’ve become closer to friends who already have children, more understanding of my own parents, and more sympathetic when it comes to other people’s kids.
I’ve changed my own habits…eating healthier, being more active, paying more attention to whether the cleaning and personal care products I use are toxic.
I’ve found new definitions for myself:
- Attachment Parent
- Cloth diaper mama
- Amazing woman who’s body has grown a baby, pushed her out, and continues to hold, comfort and care for her nearly all the hours of the day.
Wow…I mean, check me out!
Motherhood has given me an amazing confidence (even while adding almost constant anxiety)…but really, I feel like this is what I was born to do. I was really scared before the Bean came along that I wouldn’t know what I was doing – that I would somehow ruin her.
But even though I’ve taken a lot of time to educate myself in every area of caring for her (and will continue to do so), I still feel that having her and caring for her has been the most natural experience I’ve ever had…I know what I’m doing, and I know I’m doing it right.
Does that mean it’s easy?
That I won’t make mistakes?
Not that either…
But it’s all SO worth it. It’s all SO real…so amazing…so fulfilling.
I know not every woman is called to be a mom. I know not all moms are called to stay home with their babes. We are all so different and I truly believe children thrive no matter what environment they’re in when they are loved…I’m coming to believe that more and more.
But I do with I could always stay home with the Bean. I believe that I would be so content to be a stay at home mom. And I do know that if I eventually transition to a career (and not just a job to make money), it will be one that is working with moms – supporting them in that most fragile time – the birth and first hours and days with that little one.
I will probably have to leave the Bean and go to work after my year of maternity leave is up…though I’m always praying that it will somehow work out so I won’t.
But I’m so grateful to have at least this time with her…though it goes so fast. I’m grateful to know myself as her mommy – to know my husband as her daddy.
I’m grateful that we get to spend this spring – her first one – together.